Belonging Comes Before Believing
A message from Brian, Vice Chair of The Den Community
Hey everyone! For those who haven't met me yet, I'm Brian. I'm married to my incredible wife Marina, and we're both deeply invested in The Den Community. If we haven't connected yet, I'd love to grab coffee and hear your story sometime.
Over the past few weeks, we've been unpacking the core values that shape everything we do at The Den. We've talked about how Community is at our Core—that real relationships matter more than content, and we're not here to just sit shoulder-to-shoulder but to live face-to-face with people who truly know us. Last week, we explored Authenticity is our Currency—the belief that being fully known is the path to genuine community.
This week, we're diving into a value that might surprise you: Belonging Comes Before Believing.
You Don't Have to Believe to Belong Here
Let me be clear from the start: Our priority at The Den Community is making sure you feel a sense of belonging BEFORE you believe anything we say or do here.
Some communities require a membership buy-in or theological alignment before you can fully participate. And while there's merit to those approaches, that's not us. Our #1 priority is that anyone and everyone who finds their way into The Den—whether at a monthly social or a Thursday night gathering—feels like they belong.
You can come to our events, eat our food, participate in our ridiculous costume contests, win prizes, have drinks with us, and walk away without believing a single thing we teach. And you'll still belong here.
The Big Questions We're All Asking
Research from Fuller Theological Seminary has identified three questions that every teenager asks—but honestly, these aren't just teenage questions. They're questions every human wrestles with throughout their entire life:
Who am I? (Identity)
Who are my people? Where do I fit in? (Belonging)
What difference can I make? (Purpose)
Here's what their research says about belonging:
"Belonging is one of the great spiritual hungers of our day. We are a society marked by loneliness and disconnection. We have so many reasons for telling people they don't belong—because of their personality, neighborhood, income, race, ethnicity, immigration status, or disability. We have friends and followers and fans on social media, but these connections often only remind us who isn't following us or where we don't belong. We want to belong so badly that we will go to great lengths—even hiding or changing parts of our identity or pursuing a false sense of purpose—to feel it."
Sound familiar? The question isn't if you're asking these questions. The question is: Where do you belong?
The Problem: A World of Absolutes
Here's the tension we need to hold together: We live in a world where respect only comes from being 100% all-in on something.
No room for nuance. No room for questions. If you're not entirely for something, you must be entirely against it. Remember Anakin Skywalker's line in Star Wars Episode 3? "If you're not with me, then you're my enemy." Obi-Wan replies, "Only a Sith deals in absolutes."
The current climate forbids us from engaging with different perspectives on politics, family values, theology, church denominations, or even sports. Open Instagram and you'll see every "expert" declaring why their side is the only way.
The sad reality? We live in a world where it's blood in, blood out. You're all in or all out.
What Jesus Actually Said
Here's where it gets interesting. When it comes to belonging before believing, Jesus has something to say. Look at this passage from John 1:
The next day John was there again with two of his disciples. When he saw Jesus passing by, he said, "Look, the Lamb of God!" When the two disciples heard him say this, they followed Jesus. Turning around, Jesus saw them following and asked, "What do you want?" They said, "Rabbi" (which means "Teacher"), "where are you staying?" "Come," he replied, "and you will see." So they went and saw where he was staying, and they spent that day with him. (John 1:35-39)
Can we appreciate how funny this is? Imagine following Jesus for the first time, and His greeting is, "What do you want?" Not exactly a warm welcome committee speech.
But notice what happens next: "Come and see."
Jesus invites exploration and inquiry before commitment. He's not pulling anyone aside saying, "You better be all-in on this Christianity thing BEFORE you can explore it, ask hard questions, or have a sense of belonging." He simply says, "Come and see."
That's His heart. And that's our heart at The Den.
Centered Set vs. Bounded Set
Let me introduce you to two concepts that will help explain how we think about community:
Bounded Set: A group with a defined, hard boundary separating members from non-members. Membership is determined by meeting specific criteria, beliefs, or practices. You're either in or out based on a "yes/no" status.
Centered Set: A group defined by a central point of reference—a core value or belief. Membership is determined by your relationship to the center and your movement toward it, regardless of how far away you currently are. The focus is on direction and growth, not static boundaries.
At The Den Community, we're building a Centered Set culture. We're not focused on who's in versus who's out. We don't operate as a "come get your Christianity membership and bounce" organization.
We're building a real, genuine community of people who follow Jesus and people who don't. But regardless of where you are in your faith journey, we're ALL moving toward the center—toward discovering what it looks like to follow Jesus more clearly in our lives.
Our Conviction
Here's what we're all in on: We believe belonging and community come before theology and doctrine.
We know that some of you go to different churches, are involved in different denominations, and some of you don't gather on Sunday mornings at all. We know that. And we're okay with it.
I've personally worked in church denominations with membership systems, and I see the value in those approaches. But Christian, our board, and I are creating something different here, a melting pot of belief systems where the higher priority is belonging.
We're setting these "rules of engagement" so we're all on the same page, regardless of where we go to church, what we believe, or how we express it.
It's not lost on us that eventually, someone in this very room on a Thursday night will dedicate their life to Jesus. The Bible says all of Heaven will rejoice when that happens. And it will be beautiful.
But we're not waiting for that moment to say you belong.
Where Do You Need to Find More Belonging?
So here's my question for you: Where in your life do you need to find more belonging?
It doesn't have to be faith-related. Maybe it's with your own family. Maybe it's finding your people.
Not everyone has community. But everyone is looking for it, because everyone needs a place to belong.
That's what The Den is for.
This Week's Action Items
Reflect On These Questions:
Where do I currently feel like I belong? What makes those spaces feel safe?
Where am I pretending or hiding parts of myself to fit in? What would it look like to be fully known?
Who are my people? If I don't have community, where can I start looking?
Meditate On This Verse:
John 1:39 — "Come and see." What would it look like to accept Jesus's invitation to simply explore, ask questions, and spend time with Him without pressure to have it all figured out?
A Prayer For You:
God, I'm tired of feeling like I have to have all the right answers before I can belong. Thank you that your invitation is simply "come and see." Help me find spaces where I can be fully myself—the good, the bad, and the real. Show me where I belong and who my people are. Give me the courage to move toward the center, even when I don't have it all figured out. Amen.
Join us Thursday nights at The Den. You belong here.
The Den Community exists to create spaces where any young adult or young professional can form organic community, wrestle with what they believe about Jesus, and discover how to follow Him more clearly.
